I can’t believe it’s been over a year!

May 8-9, 2010…. It was my best friend Trevor’s surprise birthday and graduation party. We had gathered all of our friends together and somehow managed to pull off the surprise. We had such fun night full of laughter. I went home early as I knew I had a church meeting early the following morning.

I walked into my apartment to find my brother who happened to be extremely intoxicated. We started talking about how fun our evenings had been and he was so drunk he could barely speak. He too had been at a party with friends. I asked him how he had gotten home and he started to explain how he had driven himself home and that he was so drunk that he actually got lost. It was then that I calmly told him “I’m glad you had a good night, but I’m sorry I’ll have to talk to you about this tomorrow.” When he asked why I simply said “ you know how I feel about drunk driving so I’m sorry but I’ll just talk to you tomorrow.”

As I started to walk towards my bedroom he started to yell the absolute most crude and disgusting things I’ve ever heard anyone say in my life. I was stunned that my own brother could speak to me this way. All of his anger that I had decided to become religious started to show. He began to throw pictures that he ripped off the wall and he even picked up my flat screen television and threw it at me. I tried to calm him down but there was no stopping him.

I again turned to walk to my bedroom when he grabbed me by the back of my neck and started to strangle me as he bashed my head repeatedly into a wall. I was caught so off guard that I didn’t even have a chance to fight back or defend myself. I fell to the floor where he continued to bash my head into the tile floor. I finally struggled to get away and run to my bedroom (why I didn’t leave I have no clue) in the process I saw the most evil look in his eyes. I knew he wasn’t finished. There are no locks on the doors in the apartment I live in so I knew I wasn’t safe in my room. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911 as that’s the only thing I could think to do.

He walked into my room and started beating me again while I was on the phone until he realized it was the police on the other end of the call. He stormed out of my room, grabbed his keys and slammed the back door behind him. I continued to tell the police that a very drunk and angry man was about to drive the streets of Salt Lake City. I describe the car and the direction he’d be leaving. They were on their way.

As soon as I hung up the phone, my brother was back. He had forgotten his cell phone and accused me of stealing it. He tore a lamp from the wall and started beating me with it. I was trapped in the corner of my bedroom with no place to go. Luckily the police showed up just in time. As he was yelling how he wanted to kill me.

I was in complete shock, when did my family turn into white trash?! We’ve never had violence in our home. Fighting was not how we were raised. We were raised to accept and to love everyone regardless of their beliefs. Yes my brother is gay, yes I’m now a Mormon….. However I will never judge anyone for their sexuality. I fully support everyone in my life to be who they are and to make the choices that are right for them!!! Why would he think I would all of a sudden change the way I feel about humanity because I now have a relationship with God?! Yes, I understand the how the LDS church views homosexuality, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with every single part of the religion in which I have chosen to be part of. I’m still Kristi Cartwright!!!

My brother was taken to jail that night. He was charged with Battery, Criminal Mischief, Public Intoxication and Disturbing the Peace. I had called my parents and it broke my heart when they watched their first born child be taken away in handcuffs. My brother was released only 4 hours later, he was not allowed to contact me for 72 hours. During that time he stayed with my parents and they made the decision that he needed to move home and continue to pay his portion of our rent for the remainder of our lease. My parents asked me not to speak about the “incident” as they were embarrassed and didn’t want any negative attention. They were actually upset with me when I called some of my best friends for support. Who was I supposed to call? My parents (who are amazing) are not emotionally in-touch with us kids. I wasn’t able to go to them for support. At one point my mother said “Kristi, I’m not worried about you. You’re a strong woman and you have great friends and things in your life. I’m more worried about your brother as he doesn’t have any of that.” I definitely agreed with my mom, and told her that they needed to be there to help my brother over me. My father was upset and the entire situation and out of frustration he blamed me for the incident.

I wasn’t able to eat, drink or sleep for the next five days I had knots in my stomach that were so made I would just vomit even though there was nothing in my system. I was a robot going through my daily tasks but I was void of emotion. I never cried I just stared blankly. I had bruises across my face and chin, burns on my neck from his fingers, bumps on the back of my head, and my entire left thigh was black for over 3 months from where he had hit me with the lamp. Finally I started to patch my home back together, literally. I bought new pictures and erased the trace of him ever living there.

The civil case worker had told me that he when he met with a judge he would be given: community service, a fine up to $1,000, required to take anger management classes and be on probation for a year. However it turns out both the judge and the prosecutor are my brothers clients so he only had to pay a $200 fine. Now a year later he has never apologized or learned any type of lessons. He blames me and says it’s all my fault and that he would gladly do it all again. I have spent every holiday alone without my family as he is too selfish to leave my parents home. I rarely see my parents as he is always present. He’s still my brother and I love him unconditionally for the person he is, I have no hate towards him, he’s been forgiven by me. However I can’t put myself in the presence of someone who would so easily bring so much pain and harm towards me.

Last night while enjoying dinner for my best friend Trevor’s birthday I realized just how lucky I am to have such amazing friends who love and support me regardless of my religious beliefs.